on living.

I've neglected my blog for a good many months now, but that is not to say that I have neglected journaling in general. This second half of the year, it has just been a lot easier to sort of "micro-blog," by way of Instagram or tiny Twitter updates. I go through phases sometimes where I want to post more bullet-type things, or just say many things in pictures. It is during those times that I give blogging here a rest.
But I do always have something to say. I have many things to share.

Every year at this time, I reflect on how my year has been (as I am sure everyone does), and for the past several years I have thought of one word to be a theme to carry me through the next year.

2012, on the whole, was a very good year from start to finish. It was not without its trials, as life is never without trials, but we definitely saw more triumphs than we did defeats. And even with defeats, I cannot really say that that is truly what they are... We always get back up after we fall. We've fallen many times. We've gotten up many times.

But 2012 was definitely a better year than the one before it. 2011, with all of its lovely good memories, also brought with it much grief and sadness. It also brought calamities and unexplainable and irrational hardship.

This year has not brought such things.

This year brought a second and third trimester of a pregnancy. Although morning sickness remained the entire time, and although my final months found me dealing with increasingly painful sciatica, panic attacks, and at the end of it all a scary spike in my blood pressure, I was able to walk through it with clarity and peace. I slowed down, enjoyed my time on mandated bed rest, laughed through one particularly potent false alarm, finished a baby-name announcement video which we all now cherish, and was able to fully prepare myself physically and emotionally for my daughter's arrival, all the way down to painting my toenails and rubbing down my swollen ankles and feet. Indeed, her birth was THE easiest I've ever had, and all of my births have been easy. (I know I have yet to share her birth story... Heck she's eight months old now as of yesterday so I might as well just wait until her birthday.)

This year my husband started a new job. It's the same line of work that he has been doing for the past several years, but a new company. And what a blessing it has been. To sit back and watch The Lord transition us and provide for us the way He has really did so much to bring peace and healing to my heart. We've seen some incredible blessings since he started this job.

One of the blessings was being able to spend time in Houston while he was working out there this summer. For the first time, we were able to join him for the duration of an assignment instead of traveling back and forth due to my job obligations. After Hope was born, I decided to leave my job teaching so that I could focus on getting better physically (my blood pressure was still alarmingly high) and also travel with my husband and stay with him. The kids and I had never been to Texas before, and we had two of the most enjoyable months we could have ever desired. We did so much, saw so much, experienced so much, and came home (after a week-long and work-related detour in New Orleans) with the most awesome memories.

This year I met new relatives, both on my side and my husband's side. And a lot of family healing and reconciliation also took place.

I added to my phone's camera roll until I had no memory left. I added to my Instagram archives until I had over 1600 photos. I witnessed a lot of blessings and favor poured onto my husband and my oldest son. I watched my small ones grow in grace, kindness and sensitivity. I watched my smallest one GROW.

And I end this year very thankful for my family, our new addition, our times of rest, our times of plenty, and even our times of lack, for I feel like we have learned even more about leaning on God and fully trusting Him this year.

And so, with 2013 looming in the next hour and a half, I am excited about putting my One Little Word for 2013 into action.

CONNECT.

I plan to strengthen my relationships, forge new ones and find creative ways to serve my friends and family. I plan to make my great marriage even better. I want my walk with Jesus to deepen in ways I never dreamed it could.

I also plan to get back to blogging here on the regular. I am happy to report that I have not lagged one bit in my Project 52! I take photos of my sweet Hope every single Monday with Niki and with my iPhone, and I have since the Monday afternoon when she was born. I will find some time to share more of those photos of her, because she is such a sweet doll baby.

I hope everyone who reads this experiences great, overwhelming joy and abundance in this new year.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

my project 52: a new hope, via iphoneography (for now).

Well, life has kind of gotten in the way of getting my computer looked at these last couple of weeks.

Life, meaning taking Hope out to many public places can still be pretty sticky, thus stressing me out to the point of a headache. (Though I must say, I haven't had a really bad headache since last week. Progress!)

Two Sundays ago, my husband left for Pasadena for a month on a project. It has been hard without him. Expecting him to come home every day, letting him have time alone with Hope when I need some time alone for myself (and sometimes I just really need it), hearing his voice, knowing he's on his side of the bed at night... all of that being on hiatus has left me really sad. I have fought it through prayer and  trying to get as much rest as I can, as well as trying to keep the little ones busy. Luckily, they have been pretty chill and have not gone stir crazy, which is a good thing given the temperature being close to triple digits on some days.

And Hope. There's always Hope.

She turned twelve weeks on Monday, which means she is officially no longer a newborn. She is now an infant. No more skinny, wrinkly legs and feet, no more newborn diapers or newborn clothes. She has outgrown them.

Now she carries on many conversations with us, treats us to lots of laughs (she has the cutest laugh), she sits up many times on her own (although I am always right there), she has a favorite toy, she still throws up the occasional gang sign when she's nursing, and she has many dresses and bows to look forward to. I have kept up the picture-taking every Monday, and I make sure I get several on my phone as well. That is a big help since right now I have been unsuccessful in getting the photos off of Niki onto my computer.

Here is what Hope has been up to over the past two weeks.

It's so hard to get one of her when she's not fidgeting about.

She was laughing at her favorite toy.

Some cute slippers. She kept kicking the left one off her foot.

And these last two were Monday, at twelve weeks old.

I am praying that I will make it out this weekend to get my computer looked at, so that I can get these other photos up. There are some real gems in that camera. 

my project 52 has hit a snag.

The good news is, I have not missed one week of taking photos of my sweet Hope. Even the days where the day almost got away from me, or we both were exhausted, or miserable, or I had almost forgotten, I have managed to not miss a day. If I can keep it up, I am going to look back over this year's photos and be so glad that I stuck it out. The subject matter, of course, makes it very easy to continue.

The bad news is, my computer is sick.

My little Macbook is four years old, and has seen many miles of travel and jam-packed years worth of data and memories. And now it's acting up. My Preview app which is used to view photos that I have taken and edited is not working properly. It opens, and behaves as though it is pulling up a photo, but then the photo does not display. Also, even after deleting what seems like an inordinate amount of stuff, my photo program still will not import any new photos from my camera due to lack of memory. So I am still trying to find more things to delete.

Until I can get these two things to work, I cannot post the photos of my little one here. Sigh. I fear I may have to take her in to the Apple Store to get fixed.

So for now, the pictures are still sitting on Niki's memory card, waiting to have something done with them.

Meanwhile, baby Hope is ten weeks old today. Double digit weeks. She is growing, eating and sleeping, and smiling and cooing, and fussing a little less (except in the car), and losing her hair in the back. A tiny little bald spot has already manifested. Teehee.

She's reaching for things and grabbing things and sitting up sometimes with no assistance from Mommy's arms, and loving her brothers and sister. And Daddy and Mommy.

She is wiggling her feet and toes and hands and fingers (still throwing up the occasional gang sign), and even the more unpleasant activities, like passing gas, still seem adorable.

And since I cannot share the photos from my camera just yet, I will just post a few from my iPhone, chronicling the last couple of weeks.

Her beautiful eyes.

Another one of her eyes. It came out looking like an old painting.

Caught one of her many smiles, without the photo being blurry. She has such a pretty smile.

And this one was from today. Her big sister thought she would look cute wearing one of her Barbie's crowns. And big sister was right.

I am REALLY hoping this computer will get healed in the next week or so.

project52: a new hope, week eight. (to be continued...)

Drat.

This stupid computer.

I know it's not really stupid. It's four years old and just has way too much stuff on it, even though I feel like I've already deleted three years worth of stuff. It's not allowing me to upload more photos at the moment, so I didn't get them loaded on Monday. Here I am, two days later, still trying to delete things.

And I was so excited to share Hope's snapshots from Monday.

God willing I'll have enough room to share them on this coming Monday. Sigh.

In the meantime, let me say a few things about my wonderful Hope.

She has been decidedly less fussy this week. That has allowed us both more time to rest. Praise the Lord. She's been sleeping well, and so have I. There have been a couple of days that I have still had the awful headaches creep in, but the extra rest has certainly helped. (Now, as for trips in the carseat, that is still a small nightmare...)

Hope's legs are gloriously chubby now. And she has a belly on her. So sweet.

The swirl of hair in the back of her head is still there.

She's spending more time in her bassinet without fussing right away. That's a good sign. (I'm trying to ease her into it.)

She loves her siblings so much... engaging them, looking for them when they disappear, smiling at them and "reaching" for their faces.

And speaking of smiles, hers are so joyful and lovely. And she smiles a lot. She accompanies those smiles with gobs of coos. She is very vocal and has a lot to say. It makes us all very happy.

She is a real gem.

project 52: a new hope, week seven.

This week has been difficult.

My sweet Hope has had mild improvements with her digestive issues, in that she has not been upset through the night anymore. However, some days are worse than others, and she is fussiest in the afternoons. Granted, not every single afternoon, which is a good thing. But Monday was one of those days. We had a lot to get done on Monday and between trying to get everything taken care of and her cries of discomfort, I ended up with a splitting headache that lasted for hours and would not go away no matter what I did. I did not get as many pictures of her as I usually do, because it hurt my head to even move.

I did take a few though, out of sheer determination.

Daddy was able to get her to sleep for a little while, and that's when I snapped a few shots.

She was seven weeks old on Monday.

Pretty girl.

When she is not fussing, she is staring up at us with her marvelous sparkly eyes and giving us all kinds of coos and smiles. On Saturday she discovered she was quite capable of bouncing up and down on her legs, and every time she did it she looked so excited, like she felt so empowered or something. All of those moments make the fussy times for her and the migraine-y times for me seem not so bad.

project 52: a new hope, weeks five and six.

This baby is sleeping peacefully right now, and I am about to have some chocolate milk and take my medicine before bed. But first, posterity time.

Last week was extremely difficult for both mother and baby. I was able to get some photos of her on the day of her five-week mark, thankfully. That in itself was a minor miracle. There were some moments when she was not fussing, and I took full advantage. I cannot get over her supreme cuteness.

This week has been slightly better than last week. On Monday, Hope was six weeks old. She has still been fussing quite a bit, but every now and then I get these five to ten-minute pockets of calm (sometimes even twenty minutes) where she just stares at me and smiles and does all manner of cooing and oohing and aah-ing. She is sweet as can be.

And these photos are truly craptastic. But my goal this week was just to get something, since time was not on my side. I want to remember her hands, her feet, her expressions, no matter how awful the photo comes out. I was able to get what I wanted to remember which was my only objective.

Moving feet.

Her gangsta hand. She has her hands in this position 50 percent of the time. The majority of the remaining 50 percent consists of her hand displaying the number four.

Pretty girl. With her little angel wings forming above her ears. And I don't know why I call them angel wings. I just do.

Heehee. This one looks like the photos I took of my teenage son when he was an infant. I miss film. Even disposable film.

My Hopey is the sweetest little flower.

on recovery, chapter four.

It is 11:11 p.m., and I am finally getting a few quiet moments to write.

Sigh.

Last week was horrific.

Not a day went by that I did not have a splitting headache at least some part of the day (but usually all day). And by splitting, I mean just that. I am not one who gets headaches on the regular, but I have always sympathized with people who get migraines. My oldest son used to get migraines often. I am convinced that some of the headaches I had last week had to have been migraines. I have a high pain threshold (or so I'm often told by my husband) and these bastards had me about in tears. And that was after waiting for the Motrin to kick in. It never did.

The only thing that would help was lying down. That is, if lying down weren't difficult. Not only was I miserable, but my sweet Hope was just as miserable. She cried and screamed. Every day. For the majority of the day. She did take a nap or two each day which was not the normal amount; she usually sleeps more than that since she is still in that newborn stage. Last week, she didn't. My husband and I gave her some of those gas drops. The first day that we gave them to her, they seemed to work quite well. The three of us got about an hour of relief. The other days were guessing games, however.

What made last week extra hard is the fact that my blood pressure medication makes me drowsy in the mornings. Drowsy to the point where I feel like I've pulled an all-nighter. So, in the mornings until between noon and one I would feel so sleepy and run down, but couldn't rest because I couldn't keep Hope calm. Not with nursing, rocking, sitting up, nothing. Then in the middle of the night for a few nights in a row, she was fussing up a storm. No sleep for us there.

And I have misplaced my stool softeners. Have yet to find them. So it's back to going to the bathroom with trepidation at best and terror at worst.

I did manage to get some snapshots of her last Monday. I have not missed a Monday. Getting time to blog (meaning, when she is not fussing or I am not busy with something else) has been an unsuccessful endeavor this past week. Even tonight, as I type this, her moment of calm is beginning to subside and I may spend the next hour trying to get her to sleep (and stay asleep... not wake up after ten minutes).

So, in the few fleeting moments I hope I have left, let me say that yesterday was the first day in a long week that I did NOT get a headache at any time during the day or night. Hope is still fussy, but at least yesterday (and today, I might add), I haven't had migraine-like pain to exacerbate an already stressful situation.

And yes, I am stressed. Sleep deprivation and a baby in pain will do that to you.

Friday night and Saturday night were a tad better, as there were a couple of hours of quiet, during which time I tried to rest as best I could. And Saturday afternoon I got a couple of hours to myself to run a couple of errands. My oldest went with me, but my husband stayed home with the baby. That was a sanity-saver.

I have been trying to keep up with milestones great and small on the Momento app on my phone. Last week was such a horrid week that my brain was just mush and whenever I thought to write something, I couldn't do it right away because I was either tending to her or to one of the kidlets or to myself, and by the time I had a quick minute, I had forgotten what I wanted to write. Frustrating.

At least I remember that my six-week postpartum check-up is this week. I'd hate to forget that. My husband would hate it too, and I would never hear the end of it. Haha.

Hope's hair is starting to curl a little bit on the sides. Little angel wings are beginning to appear (those little curls right above her ears. Natalie had them too.). She is also smiling at her siblings often, and also at my husband and me, when she isn't crying. Her feet and hands are no longer wrinkly at all, her skinny bow legs are now fatter bow legs, and she is on to the next size diaper. Sweet pea.

She is six weeks old today. I got a few craptastic pictures of her (nowadays I get more craptastic shots than gems) because I was photographing frantically hoping the ticking time bomb of gassy fuss would not detonate long enough for me to get three or four shots. I had about a two-minute time window, and I was nervous. Oh well. I guess they can't all be acceptable.

Nevertheless, I will share them (hopefully) tomorrow, along with last week's, Week Five. I say hopefully because I'll need another window like the one that is currently open, where she is calm and actually sleeping. God willing, she will be. And I won't have a headache.

project 52: a new hope, weeks three and four.

Well.

After a couple of harrowing nights, I am finally able to get this posted. Hope has been really fussy for most of the weekend as well as Monday and yesterday. Her fussiness was at full steam during the evenings, which is when I am normally most alert and able to carve out a few minutes to blog. Didn't happen Monday. Then it didn't happen yesterday. Today, her fussiness is a bit less, and I am so glad. Bless her wee heart. Her little stomach doesn't seem to be upsetting her quite as much, which is a good thing. And my husband was kind enough to let me have some time alone so I could do some work on my computer. I love him. He really can be the sweetest.

Ahhh, so now, this beautiful bundle of baby in all of her intense beautimousness.

First, last week. She was three weeks old. Here is what she looked like last Monday.

Her eyes are like these beautiful marbles.

Little baby feet. Not so wrinkly anymore. And her legs are getting fatter. Heart.

Caught her in mid-motion.

And now, Memorial Day.

This past Monday, Hope turned four weeks old. A full month. There were points in the day when I wanted to cry, because yet again, here I am with a wee one that is growing and changing a little too fast for me. But oh, the sweet changes. She studies me so intently, recognizes when her siblings are in the room, coos so softly, and, like all babies, looks like an angel when sleeping. And she loves snuggling with Mommy and cuddling with Daddy. 

This is what she looked like on Monday.

"Who is it? Who did it?"

Those marbles for eyes again.

My heart is all aflutter.

Luckily, she is still resting peacefully. 

Whoops. Spoke too soon. 

Luckily, I am done.

project 52: a new hope, week three. (darn technical difficulties!)

My daughter is three weeks old today. I have some photos that I took today that I was ready to share, but my Internet connection keeps going in and out and the photos won't load. Sigh.

I will include those photos of her and all her cuteness in next week's post, because I am done fooling with this tonight.

But I will say that earlier today, I noticed that she folds her legs up by her stomach a little less often, preferring to keep them stretched out. She's used to being out of the womb now, and in that regard, a little less newborn-ish.

And she stares at me, and I stare back at her. And so many times, she gets a little smile going. And we just love each other so much. Her wonderful sweetness fills my heart with incredible joy.


-natty posted this using BlogPress from her iPhone.

on recovery, chapter three.

In two more days, on Monday, my youngest daughter will be three weeks old.

She loves to stare up at me. She smiles often. Involuntarily, yes, but it is still nice to see.

She eats a lot. She sleeps a lot. And she recognizes and turns toward her daddy's voice. She also seems quite interested in her siblings' faces.

Earlier in the week, on Wednesday, I noticed that her legs and feet are slightly fuller now, and less newborn-wrinkly. Her thighs have a little more fat on them. Her precious little thighs.

Then yesterday (Friday, Postpartum Day 19), I took her out by myself for the first time. I had to go to my midwife/obgyn office at the hospital to have my blood pressure checked. That was... an ordeal. I am discovering that she definitely does not like being in her car seat. Talk about stressing out.

But my postpartum recovery period is getting better. I used the last of that knit underwear that they give you at the hospital. Finished that up yesterday. And there is a lot less bleeding. I am also less fearful of the bathroom now.

I also weigh less now than I did when I found out I was pregnant. I do wish I had a scale handy at home so that I could weigh the baby.

A considerable amount of weight loss in not quite three weeks (about 23 pounds) is good news. The not-so-good news is, I am now on blood pressure medication.

My blood pressure was still high when they checked it yesterday, so they put me on medication for it. I have to go again next week to have it checked. My hope is that in the coming weeks everything will level off and I will be able to come off of the medication. This is abnormal, according to my midwife, especially because up until 37 weeks my blood pressure was always normal or low. My game plan is to start exercising more regularly once I am fully recovered. That should help a great deal.

Meanwhile, I feel it is a small price to pay for such a treasure of a little girl. It's amazing how anything and everything seems worth it to come home with a sweet bundle of baby.

project 52: a new hope, week two.

Long couple of days. Enjoyable ones. I over-exerted myself a bit, I think. Went to church twice yesterday, and today was out and about for most of the day, so my lower end is really feeling it. It was worth it though, because the week has gotten off to a lovely start.

My sweet Hope is two weeks old today. She looks like this.

She is the sweetest thing.

Side note: She was two weeks old on Monday. It is now Tuesday. I was late getting this posted. 

on recovery, chapter two.

Getting back into the habit of blogging regularly is not as difficult as I thought it would be. Good thing.

It is now postpartum day eleven. In three more days, my youngest daughter will be two weeks old. Thinking about how quickly the days go by, it makes me want to record everything. But of course I really can't record everything, so for many situations I will have to rely on just my memories and nothing recorded for posterity. That is a hard pill to swallow, since after four children some of my memories are vague, foggy, and running together in such a way that I don't always know for sure which memory is associated with which child.

Yesterday, I noticed that my baby's hands seemed ever-so-slightly different. Her long, slender fingers seemed to have a little more fat on them, and her hands seemed a tiny bit less wrinkly. (Her feet are still wrinkly, thank goodness.) Earlier in the week, on day eight (Tuesday), her umbilical cord clamp finally detached. And she is spending much of her waking moments studying my face and her surroundings.

I am still in a good deal of pain, especially if I spend too much time out of bed. I still need rest most of the day. Motrin is still not having a whole lot of impact. And I am still terrified to go to the bathroom. Number One is no longer uncomfortable, but everything else is still horrifying, as is the prospect of everything else. Pregnant ladies out there, DON'T forget to take the stool softeners every day for a while after having your baby.

My legs are skinny again, and no more swelling in my feet. Yay.

But the heartburn is still there, though less severe. Boo.

BUT no more nausea! Yay! That makes me very happy, especially since I DID finally vomit, in the hospital, later on in the evening after I had the baby.

I suspect that it may be another month or so before I am done bleeding, aching, and fearing the toilet. But I am thankful for small victories... I think since I've been home I've only missed brushing my teeth two or three days. I also successfully tied my Moby Wrap yesterday, although next time I need to do it a little bit tighter since the baby is still very small. I didn't realize those Mobys were so long!

And, as I stated before, chocolate and sweets in general make me happy again. Yesterday it was homemade chocolate chip cookies (twice this week, actually). Today it was brownies. Thank God for wonderful friends who bring you food after you've come home with a newborn. It really helps.

a new project 52: a new hope, week one.

I did not do a "one little word" for this year, because I spent the last eight months away from my blog. Back in December, I'm not sure I would have known for certain what my word would be. I was in the midst of traveling back and forth (I'll share more about that later but there are a few photos in this post), overcome much of the time with nausea and feeling generally miserable. Blogging was the furthest thing from my mind.

Taking photos was also not the highest priority for me, due to the same reasons. So, although I had totally planned on starting a new photo project (either every day or every week) at the start of the year, it just didn't happen. I guess I just wasn't ready.

But now, here we are. The start of May. And many things are different. Of course, the biggest thing is my baby girl is here. She has inspired me to write again, to get back into a creative routine, and to take many, many photos. Of my family. And definitely of her in this, her first year.

This time goes by so freaking fast. I hate it. I mean, I love it. But I hate it. It just seems like everything is over or years have passed in the blink of an eye. So I am going to chronicle what I can in a new 52-week project. I'll watch her grow that way. It isn't like I haven't taken tons of pictures of my three other kids. I'm just going to be very deliberate about it with her.

Her name is Hope, and today she is a week old. I will share her birth story and photos from her first days very soon. But for now, here is what she looks like today.

In her car seat, she is so tiny.

The back of her tiny head, with her gorgeous hair.

Her tiny little toes.

Sweet face.

And the sweet peach fuzz on her ear.

Indeed, the Lord has given us a tremendous new Hope this year. One that is everlasting.

on recovery.

It's write-without-looking time! Here goes...

I had some very tasty chocolate cake for dessert tonight. A very kind friend brought it over with dinner yesterday. I am so thankful for help with food right now. I am also thankful for sweets. Especially chocolate. I had a mild aversion to sweets and chocolate on and off throughout my pregnancy, so being able to enjoy them again is great. Or... maybe it's not so great... the cake was great.

I can't find the one small pack of nursing pads that I have.

Speaking of nursing, I feel like I am learning everything all over again. Not just with nursing. With everything. This is my fourth child, but my third child is four years old. This all seems so new. And a tad unfamiliar. Again. Despite my experience with three other babies over the last fifteen years.

Chocolate helps me feel good. I need to feel good, since the baby blues are very real. They have nothing to do with my baby girl. I absolutely adore her and am completely over the moon about her. But dang these hormonal mood swings. I know it's perfectly normal, but thank God I've got some chocolate.

Still haven't dealt completely with the grief. The baby blues don't help. The brief episodes of depression during nursing don't help. Mother's Day coming up most definitely does not help. Darn Hallmark holiday.

It's still absolutely terrifying to have to go to the bathroom.

And yes, I am inclined to agree that the postpartum cramping gets progressively worse with each child. Motrin and even Percoset seemed to only work at their convenience. Not good.

But there is a lot of good on which to focus, like the fact that seven pounds and ten ounces feel like a watermelon-sized bowling ball in the womb, but out of the womb they are so light and feathery and freakishly fragile-feeling and delightfully squishy and soft.

That baby smell should be bottled and preserved.

As should all of that soft fuzz that covers her tiny body, and the sweet sound that her baby breath makes.

Her toes are so little.

And her eyes dance, and stare, and glisten. And she smiles. Even though it's involuntary, she still does it. Quite a bit. These are times that I never want to forget.

I'll share her birth story in the coming week, as well as start a new photo project. I finally decided what to do.

new life.

It has been eight months since my last post. So many things are welled up inside of me that I want to say, but even now, still, after eight long months, much of it is still a jumbled mess. I have been ready to blog again for the past three months. No writer's block. No real lack of motivation. Just... not knowing where to start. Or how to start. I still don't really know. So I will go back to diary mode and just write.

But first, I will share what I have been up to in the past eight months, which isn't much.

Spent a few months in Baltimore. Visited DC with the fam while there.

That's my husband and little boy in front of that guard.

Taken by my husband.

All of the other photos of me were taken by my son. This last one was taken yesterday. I am 39 weeks and 3 days, and thanks to high blood pressure, I am being induced later on today. Looks like my youngest kidlet's birthday will be 30 April 2012.

She is so loved, indeed.

Hard to believe she started out so tiny.

And she has a family that is beyond excited to meet her. It feels even better than Christmas Eve right now. 

So, the diary of scrambled pages of my jumbled up thoughts, emotions and quite possibly rants will start this week. Maybe once a week at first, since I'll be recovering with baby. Or maybe I will start a new photo project featuring her, since my previous photo project plans never took off for various reasons. No matter what, I do know that I have much to say and share, and I will slowly but surely figure out how to say and share it, and how to express myself eloquently again.