Monday, June 11, 2012

on recovery, chapter four.

It is 11:11 p.m., and I am finally getting a few quiet moments to write.


Last week was horrific.

Not a day went by that I did not have a splitting headache at least some part of the day (but usually all day). And by splitting, I mean just that. I am not one who gets headaches on the regular, but I have always sympathized with people who get migraines. My oldest son used to get migraines often. I am convinced that some of the headaches I had last week had to have been migraines. I have a high pain threshold (or so I'm often told by my husband) and these bastards had me about in tears. And that was after waiting for the Motrin to kick in. It never did.

The only thing that would help was lying down. That is, if lying down weren't difficult. Not only was I miserable, but my sweet Hope was just as miserable. She cried and screamed. Every day. For the majority of the day. She did take a nap or two each day which was not the normal amount; she usually sleeps more than that since she is still in that newborn stage. Last week, she didn't. My husband and I gave her some of those gas drops. The first day that we gave them to her, they seemed to work quite well. The three of us got about an hour of relief. The other days were guessing games, however.

What made last week extra hard is the fact that my blood pressure medication makes me drowsy in the mornings. Drowsy to the point where I feel like I've pulled an all-nighter. So, in the mornings until between noon and one I would feel so sleepy and run down, but couldn't rest because I couldn't keep Hope calm. Not with nursing, rocking, sitting up, nothing. Then in the middle of the night for a few nights in a row, she was fussing up a storm. No sleep for us there.

And I have misplaced my stool softeners. Have yet to find them. So it's back to going to the bathroom with trepidation at best and terror at worst.

I did manage to get some snapshots of her last Monday. I have not missed a Monday. Getting time to blog (meaning, when she is not fussing or I am not busy with something else) has been an unsuccessful endeavor this past week. Even tonight, as I type this, her moment of calm is beginning to subside and I may spend the next hour trying to get her to sleep (and stay asleep... not wake up after ten minutes).

So, in the few fleeting moments I hope I have left, let me say that yesterday was the first day in a long week that I did NOT get a headache at any time during the day or night. Hope is still fussy, but at least yesterday (and today, I might add), I haven't had migraine-like pain to exacerbate an already stressful situation.

And yes, I am stressed. Sleep deprivation and a baby in pain will do that to you.

Friday night and Saturday night were a tad better, as there were a couple of hours of quiet, during which time I tried to rest as best I could. And Saturday afternoon I got a couple of hours to myself to run a couple of errands. My oldest went with me, but my husband stayed home with the baby. That was a sanity-saver.

I have been trying to keep up with milestones great and small on the Momento app on my phone. Last week was such a horrid week that my brain was just mush and whenever I thought to write something, I couldn't do it right away because I was either tending to her or to one of the kidlets or to myself, and by the time I had a quick minute, I had forgotten what I wanted to write. Frustrating.

At least I remember that my six-week postpartum check-up is this week. I'd hate to forget that. My husband would hate it too, and I would never hear the end of it. Haha.

Hope's hair is starting to curl a little bit on the sides. Little angel wings are beginning to appear (those little curls right above her ears. Natalie had them too.). She is also smiling at her siblings often, and also at my husband and me, when she isn't crying. Her feet and hands are no longer wrinkly at all, her skinny bow legs are now fatter bow legs, and she is on to the next size diaper. Sweet pea.

She is six weeks old today. I got a few craptastic pictures of her (nowadays I get more craptastic shots than gems) because I was photographing frantically hoping the ticking time bomb of gassy fuss would not detonate long enough for me to get three or four shots. I had about a two-minute time window, and I was nervous. Oh well. I guess they can't all be acceptable.

Nevertheless, I will share them (hopefully) tomorrow, along with last week's, Week Five. I say hopefully because I'll need another window like the one that is currently open, where she is calm and actually sleeping. God willing, she will be. And I won't have a headache.

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