my project 52: a new hope, via iphoneography (for now).

Well, life has kind of gotten in the way of getting my computer looked at these last couple of weeks.

Life, meaning taking Hope out to many public places can still be pretty sticky, thus stressing me out to the point of a headache. (Though I must say, I haven't had a really bad headache since last week. Progress!)

Two Sundays ago, my husband left for Pasadena for a month on a project. It has been hard without him. Expecting him to come home every day, letting him have time alone with Hope when I need some time alone for myself (and sometimes I just really need it), hearing his voice, knowing he's on his side of the bed at night... all of that being on hiatus has left me really sad. I have fought it through prayer and  trying to get as much rest as I can, as well as trying to keep the little ones busy. Luckily, they have been pretty chill and have not gone stir crazy, which is a good thing given the temperature being close to triple digits on some days.

And Hope. There's always Hope.

She turned twelve weeks on Monday, which means she is officially no longer a newborn. She is now an infant. No more skinny, wrinkly legs and feet, no more newborn diapers or newborn clothes. She has outgrown them.

Now she carries on many conversations with us, treats us to lots of laughs (she has the cutest laugh), she sits up many times on her own (although I am always right there), she has a favorite toy, she still throws up the occasional gang sign when she's nursing, and she has many dresses and bows to look forward to. I have kept up the picture-taking every Monday, and I make sure I get several on my phone as well. That is a big help since right now I have been unsuccessful in getting the photos off of Niki onto my computer.

Here is what Hope has been up to over the past two weeks.

It's so hard to get one of her when she's not fidgeting about.

She was laughing at her favorite toy.

Some cute slippers. She kept kicking the left one off her foot.

And these last two were Monday, at twelve weeks old.

I am praying that I will make it out this weekend to get my computer looked at, so that I can get these other photos up. There are some real gems in that camera. 

my project 52 has hit a snag.

The good news is, I have not missed one week of taking photos of my sweet Hope. Even the days where the day almost got away from me, or we both were exhausted, or miserable, or I had almost forgotten, I have managed to not miss a day. If I can keep it up, I am going to look back over this year's photos and be so glad that I stuck it out. The subject matter, of course, makes it very easy to continue.

The bad news is, my computer is sick.

My little Macbook is four years old, and has seen many miles of travel and jam-packed years worth of data and memories. And now it's acting up. My Preview app which is used to view photos that I have taken and edited is not working properly. It opens, and behaves as though it is pulling up a photo, but then the photo does not display. Also, even after deleting what seems like an inordinate amount of stuff, my photo program still will not import any new photos from my camera due to lack of memory. So I am still trying to find more things to delete.

Until I can get these two things to work, I cannot post the photos of my little one here. Sigh. I fear I may have to take her in to the Apple Store to get fixed.

So for now, the pictures are still sitting on Niki's memory card, waiting to have something done with them.

Meanwhile, baby Hope is ten weeks old today. Double digit weeks. She is growing, eating and sleeping, and smiling and cooing, and fussing a little less (except in the car), and losing her hair in the back. A tiny little bald spot has already manifested. Teehee.

She's reaching for things and grabbing things and sitting up sometimes with no assistance from Mommy's arms, and loving her brothers and sister. And Daddy and Mommy.

She is wiggling her feet and toes and hands and fingers (still throwing up the occasional gang sign), and even the more unpleasant activities, like passing gas, still seem adorable.

And since I cannot share the photos from my camera just yet, I will just post a few from my iPhone, chronicling the last couple of weeks.

Her beautiful eyes.

Another one of her eyes. It came out looking like an old painting.

Caught one of her many smiles, without the photo being blurry. She has such a pretty smile.

And this one was from today. Her big sister thought she would look cute wearing one of her Barbie's crowns. And big sister was right.

I am REALLY hoping this computer will get healed in the next week or so.

project 52: a new hope, week seven.

This week has been difficult.

My sweet Hope has had mild improvements with her digestive issues, in that she has not been upset through the night anymore. However, some days are worse than others, and she is fussiest in the afternoons. Granted, not every single afternoon, which is a good thing. But Monday was one of those days. We had a lot to get done on Monday and between trying to get everything taken care of and her cries of discomfort, I ended up with a splitting headache that lasted for hours and would not go away no matter what I did. I did not get as many pictures of her as I usually do, because it hurt my head to even move.

I did take a few though, out of sheer determination.

Daddy was able to get her to sleep for a little while, and that's when I snapped a few shots.

She was seven weeks old on Monday.

Pretty girl.

When she is not fussing, she is staring up at us with her marvelous sparkly eyes and giving us all kinds of coos and smiles. On Saturday she discovered she was quite capable of bouncing up and down on her legs, and every time she did it she looked so excited, like she felt so empowered or something. All of those moments make the fussy times for her and the migraine-y times for me seem not so bad.

project 52: a new hope, weeks five and six.

This baby is sleeping peacefully right now, and I am about to have some chocolate milk and take my medicine before bed. But first, posterity time.

Last week was extremely difficult for both mother and baby. I was able to get some photos of her on the day of her five-week mark, thankfully. That in itself was a minor miracle. There were some moments when she was not fussing, and I took full advantage. I cannot get over her supreme cuteness.

This week has been slightly better than last week. On Monday, Hope was six weeks old. She has still been fussing quite a bit, but every now and then I get these five to ten-minute pockets of calm (sometimes even twenty minutes) where she just stares at me and smiles and does all manner of cooing and oohing and aah-ing. She is sweet as can be.

And these photos are truly craptastic. But my goal this week was just to get something, since time was not on my side. I want to remember her hands, her feet, her expressions, no matter how awful the photo comes out. I was able to get what I wanted to remember which was my only objective.

Moving feet.

Her gangsta hand. She has her hands in this position 50 percent of the time. The majority of the remaining 50 percent consists of her hand displaying the number four.

Pretty girl. With her little angel wings forming above her ears. And I don't know why I call them angel wings. I just do.

Heehee. This one looks like the photos I took of my teenage son when he was an infant. I miss film. Even disposable film.

My Hopey is the sweetest little flower.

project 52: a new hope, weeks three and four.

Well.

After a couple of harrowing nights, I am finally able to get this posted. Hope has been really fussy for most of the weekend as well as Monday and yesterday. Her fussiness was at full steam during the evenings, which is when I am normally most alert and able to carve out a few minutes to blog. Didn't happen Monday. Then it didn't happen yesterday. Today, her fussiness is a bit less, and I am so glad. Bless her wee heart. Her little stomach doesn't seem to be upsetting her quite as much, which is a good thing. And my husband was kind enough to let me have some time alone so I could do some work on my computer. I love him. He really can be the sweetest.

Ahhh, so now, this beautiful bundle of baby in all of her intense beautimousness.

First, last week. She was three weeks old. Here is what she looked like last Monday.

Her eyes are like these beautiful marbles.

Little baby feet. Not so wrinkly anymore. And her legs are getting fatter. Heart.

Caught her in mid-motion.

And now, Memorial Day.

This past Monday, Hope turned four weeks old. A full month. There were points in the day when I wanted to cry, because yet again, here I am with a wee one that is growing and changing a little too fast for me. But oh, the sweet changes. She studies me so intently, recognizes when her siblings are in the room, coos so softly, and, like all babies, looks like an angel when sleeping. And she loves snuggling with Mommy and cuddling with Daddy. 

This is what she looked like on Monday.

"Who is it? Who did it?"

Those marbles for eyes again.

My heart is all aflutter.

Luckily, she is still resting peacefully. 

Whoops. Spoke too soon. 

Luckily, I am done.

a new project 52: a new hope, week one.

I did not do a "one little word" for this year, because I spent the last eight months away from my blog. Back in December, I'm not sure I would have known for certain what my word would be. I was in the midst of traveling back and forth (I'll share more about that later but there are a few photos in this post), overcome much of the time with nausea and feeling generally miserable. Blogging was the furthest thing from my mind.

Taking photos was also not the highest priority for me, due to the same reasons. So, although I had totally planned on starting a new photo project (either every day or every week) at the start of the year, it just didn't happen. I guess I just wasn't ready.

But now, here we are. The start of May. And many things are different. Of course, the biggest thing is my baby girl is here. She has inspired me to write again, to get back into a creative routine, and to take many, many photos. Of my family. And definitely of her in this, her first year.

This time goes by so freaking fast. I hate it. I mean, I love it. But I hate it. It just seems like everything is over or years have passed in the blink of an eye. So I am going to chronicle what I can in a new 52-week project. I'll watch her grow that way. It isn't like I haven't taken tons of pictures of my three other kids. I'm just going to be very deliberate about it with her.

Her name is Hope, and today she is a week old. I will share her birth story and photos from her first days very soon. But for now, here is what she looks like today.

In her car seat, she is so tiny.

The back of her tiny head, with her gorgeous hair.

Her tiny little toes.

Sweet face.

And the sweet peach fuzz on her ear.

Indeed, the Lord has given us a tremendous new Hope this year. One that is everlasting.

project 52, week twenty-two.

Well, the minute I think I am getting back on track, it turns out it is sidetracked (yet again) that I am actually getting. 

I spent this past week and the week before getting my youngest son seen and scheduled for dentist appointments. (Week Twenty-Three will include pictures from a lovely summer afternoon that we spent at the lake, the day before his cheek swelled like a balloon.) Three days in a row of medical/dental visits, including x-rays and a week's worth of antibiotics and monitoring before another dental visit this past Friday, which got rescheduled so that he can actually have sedation instead of just laughing gas (he needs to have two extractions). So, the blogging again took a back seat. Photos, however, did not.

Self-portrait. Sort of. My three-year old daughter took this. She wanted to.

My son and I went to an art exhibition in the city.

The great weekend began with an outing at a lovely river and park. This covered bridge went over the river.

The iPhonearoid of the week is here.

And the Weekly Vlog is here. I actually posted it a day late, but that way I was able to get a little bit of footage from the rehearsal for a show that I am in.

project 52, week twenty-one.

Well, praise the Lord! I am finally getting around to putting up the photos from Week Twenty-One. Having that ordeal with the lack of space on my hard drive really set me back a couple of weeks ago. It took me over a week to get enough files deleted to free up more space! And once the space was finally free, I was not all that motivated to blog. But I've got to get back on the ball so I don't get overwhelmed with photos that I haven't posted yet.

Self-portrait.

Family.

Morning.

The iPhonearoid of the Week is here.

And the Weekly Vlog is here. I'm pretty proud of this one.

And now, to get weeks twenty-two and twenty-three posted...

project 52, week twenty.

Hallelujah! It looks like I'm in the clear to get these next couple of posts completed, because I've apparently FINALLY cleared enough space on my computer. So, although Week Twenty was two weeks ago, HERE IT IS!

Self-portrait.

My son, during two of his three performances.

And his turntables.

The iPhonearoid of the Week for Week Twenty is here.

And the Weekly Vlog is here.

Gonna take my tired butt to bed, and get Week Twenty-One on the blog tomorrow. Then I'll be all caught up.

project 52, week nineteen.

Week Nineteen.

After a harrowing week of what seemed to be endless deleting of files, I have finally cleared enough space to at least complete this one week. I actually enjoyed looking back and remembering what I did two weeks ago, since I had already forgotten!

Self-portrait.

Family.

The walls of Passion City Church.

My iPhonearoid of the Week for Week Nineteen can be found here.

And, the Weekly Vlog is in two parts.

Part One is here.

Part Two is here.

You don't want to miss this vlog. It's the best one I've done so far this year. Very emotional, but POSITIVE.

Off to do some more deleting, so that I can (hopefully) get Week Twenty posted tomorrow.

Night, folks.

project 52, week eighteen.

I've got a lot to say on this post. Forgive me if I ramble a bit.

As you know, I've been having many ups and downs emotionally since the beginning of March, when I had my mother admitted into hospice care. (She refused to go back to dialysis at the end of February). I have been so moved by comments and well-wishes that people have given me. It may not seem like much to you, but it really is encouraging, and I appreciate it.

In addition to truly learning to live day by day for a completely different reason than ever before (every day that I do not get a call from the nursing home is a good day), I have really fought a mental battle... since the beginning of Spring... fighting the urge to relegate this taking pictures thing to a hobby and shelving that hobby. I have been frustrated with my lack of creative motivation, and I know that said lack is due to having my thoughts elsewhere. It's been kind of difficult to focus on getting out with Niki and enjoying time when my mind is on counting down the minutes of each day and getting to the end with a "Whew. No phone call. Thank God."

But I love photography too much to quit. And I feel like I have something different to offer, so I am going to keep pressing until I push through. If weeks go by without a photo gig I won't sweat it (though I LOVE getting hired to take pictures, and expect to see a lot of work this summer); I will continue to nurture my relationship with my non-human bff. This Project 52 has been my saving grace the last month or so, as it has saved me from halting my photo-taking altogether.

Speaking of mothers and creative motivation (sort of), my son wrote me the most amazing note on Mother's Day, which, by the way, was a wonderful day. To say that I needed to hear this (or read it, rather) would be an understatement, and I have read it over and over again since he posted it. Before I share this week's photos, I am going to share with you all how wonderful my son is (sorry about the smaller font)...

"What can I say? I could say that you are an amazing mother. I could say that you are the greatest mother that anyone could ever have. I could say that you are blessed. Well, I can say these things because they're true. You are such an amazing person. You're full of talent, wisdom, and kindness. I see why every single one of your students enjoys you. They appreciate your kindness; they appreciate the fact that you care about each and every one of them without leaving any out. On top of this, you have an amazing gift of flourishing creativity which leaves people in awe and makes them want to have the same thing. Then, you have amazing character which completely influences your students, who want you to influence them. I know that maybe it might not seem like it, but your students love you. More than you can know. How can I say this? Because I AM one of those students. But I am also your son, so...

Whether you realize it or not, YOU inspire me everyday. You encourage me to be confident in who I am. You encourage me to work hard. And you encourage me to love. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't have known what "love" is when I did. You're such an amazing mother. Every time mothers day comes along, I always cherish the good memories that we have had together. And I cherish the good times we have had as our family has grown. You have been such a blessing to me. Even though Mother's day comes around only once a year, I sincerely cherish you every single day. I love you, Mommy. Happy Mother's day. ♥"

Self-portrait.

Oldest son on stage, with his hair hiding his face.

End-of-year drama performance (one of several) at Master's Academy Woodstock.

My iPhonearoid of the week is here.

And my Weekly Vlog is here.

Have a great week, folks.