project 52, week eighteen.

I've got a lot to say on this post. Forgive me if I ramble a bit.

As you know, I've been having many ups and downs emotionally since the beginning of March, when I had my mother admitted into hospice care. (She refused to go back to dialysis at the end of February). I have been so moved by comments and well-wishes that people have given me. It may not seem like much to you, but it really is encouraging, and I appreciate it.

In addition to truly learning to live day by day for a completely different reason than ever before (every day that I do not get a call from the nursing home is a good day), I have really fought a mental battle... since the beginning of Spring... fighting the urge to relegate this taking pictures thing to a hobby and shelving that hobby. I have been frustrated with my lack of creative motivation, and I know that said lack is due to having my thoughts elsewhere. It's been kind of difficult to focus on getting out with Niki and enjoying time when my mind is on counting down the minutes of each day and getting to the end with a "Whew. No phone call. Thank God."

But I love photography too much to quit. And I feel like I have something different to offer, so I am going to keep pressing until I push through. If weeks go by without a photo gig I won't sweat it (though I LOVE getting hired to take pictures, and expect to see a lot of work this summer); I will continue to nurture my relationship with my non-human bff. This Project 52 has been my saving grace the last month or so, as it has saved me from halting my photo-taking altogether.

Speaking of mothers and creative motivation (sort of), my son wrote me the most amazing note on Mother's Day, which, by the way, was a wonderful day. To say that I needed to hear this (or read it, rather) would be an understatement, and I have read it over and over again since he posted it. Before I share this week's photos, I am going to share with you all how wonderful my son is (sorry about the smaller font)...

"What can I say? I could say that you are an amazing mother. I could say that you are the greatest mother that anyone could ever have. I could say that you are blessed. Well, I can say these things because they're true. You are such an amazing person. You're full of talent, wisdom, and kindness. I see why every single one of your students enjoys you. They appreciate your kindness; they appreciate the fact that you care about each and every one of them without leaving any out. On top of this, you have an amazing gift of flourishing creativity which leaves people in awe and makes them want to have the same thing. Then, you have amazing character which completely influences your students, who want you to influence them. I know that maybe it might not seem like it, but your students love you. More than you can know. How can I say this? Because I AM one of those students. But I am also your son, so...

Whether you realize it or not, YOU inspire me everyday. You encourage me to be confident in who I am. You encourage me to work hard. And you encourage me to love. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't have known what "love" is when I did. You're such an amazing mother. Every time mothers day comes along, I always cherish the good memories that we have had together. And I cherish the good times we have had as our family has grown. You have been such a blessing to me. Even though Mother's day comes around only once a year, I sincerely cherish you every single day. I love you, Mommy. Happy Mother's day. ♥"

Self-portrait.

Oldest son on stage, with his hair hiding his face.

End-of-year drama performance (one of several) at Master's Academy Woodstock.

My iPhonearoid of the week is here.

And my Weekly Vlog is here.

Have a great week, folks.

project 52, week seventeen.

Well, it has been an eventful couple of weeks.

Right after I said I would get Week Seventeen posted forthwith, I experienced a surge in oh-my-gosh-I-forgot-we-have-such-and-such-tomorrow-night-gaaahhh-I'll-be-getting-home-late-AGAIN activity, for several afternoons and evenings in a row.

Folks, I've been beat. Like, for real.

The pictures and videos have been sitting on my computer and iPhone, waiting patiently to be shared. Luckily, they aren't upset with me. I hope you won't be too upset either.

Buuuut the good news is, I'm posting TWO blogs TONIGHT! Then I'll be back on schedule! Yay!

So here goes.

Me. It was taken by my husband.

Several family shots. Because we had some fun times this weekend.

And. Out in the city.

My iPhonearoid of the week? You don't want to miss it.

And you don't want to miss my weekly vlog. (It's my son being a street performer for a few minutes!)

motherhood photo challenge.

This is me, being proud of my son. Plain and simple.

This photo was entered into the I Heart Faces Photo Challenge.

project 52, week sixteen.

This week went in by in a blur. Or, more like a puff of smoke. Like the puff of smoke that's left when the Road Runner runs off from Wile E. Coyote. I don't remember much of what happened, except that my son was in a play, we went to a Good Friday concert and nearly froze our butts off (in almost-May, in Atlanta) enjoying the great music, and some other stuff.

I took some pictures.

Selfie. My poor finger. It's healed up now.

Family.

At the Good Friday Concert.

The iPhonearoid of the week can be found here.

The Weekly Vlog can be found here.

Until next time, folks.

[Due to a broken wireless router, I did not get this up when I said I would. Bought a new router yesterday, and so my internet connection is back up consistently. Week Seventeen will be up tonight or tomorrow.]

project 52, week fifteen.

Well, the good news is I have all photos and videos done to be completely caught up with my Project 52 posts. It's already after eleven though and I am trying to keep from falling asleep here on the couch, so I think I'll do this post tonight and save the other one for tomorrow.

We've been running like maniacs the past couple of weeks. Last weekend my son had a formal, and this weekend he was the lead in a play. He had tech rehearsal for the play every night this week. We're all exhausted.

I did get some nice photos last week (the week leading up to the formal).

Self-portrait.

M'ijo.

My little one, fishing for the first time.

Out in the city.

My iPhonearoid of the week is here,

and my Weekly Vlog is here.

See you tomorrow.

project 52, week fourteen.

Sigh.

Sooo, last week came and went, and my Project 52 post did not materialize for you guys.

So, fourteen weeks into this thing, and I'm behind.

I have all of the elements and had them together last Sunday night. I just... didn't... post it.

I've been lacking a little in the motivation department.

Not sure why... it just feels like I've been moving in slow motion since last week. Getting a call from the nursing home about making funeral arrangements (just in case) did NOT help. Ugh.

But, regardless of how I felt, I still hung out with Niki, and we still took pictures.

Yep. Sometimes I fail to help Niki out and what I end up with is crap. And sometimes I just don't even feel like any do-overs.

Ahhh. But my kids. They make every day bright.

And that's saying a lot, on days like these.

Here is the iPhonearoid of the week.

And here is the Weekly Vlog.

(I have everything finished for this week's post as well, but will probably post it tomorrow or Wednesday. Bear with me; I'm getting back on track.)

Sigh. Well...

Tonight marks the sixth evening in a row that I have been out doing something and getting home dog tired.

All of the elements for my Project 52 post have been ready since Sunday, including my crappy self-portrait (and trust me, it is CRAP), but I had technical difficulties getting my weekly vlog to load on Sunday. And I have not tried to reload it since, thanks to being out every evening.

Soooo, in lieu of a crock pot Wednesday post (since I won't be cooking tomorrow), I'll take tomorrow evening, my first evening home in a WEEK, to get that post finished and up.

And I'd also like to say thank you to so many of you who have spoken kind words to me. You are all such a blessing.

I'm off to sleep. A deep sleep.


-natty posted this using BlogPress from her iPhone.

food. and acceptable, happy mistakes.

Okay. So, recap.

I did actually cook a meal in the crock pot. Last Wednesday. (Tonight, I did what has become a very good stand-by in my house: whole roast chicken.)

I made barbecued pork ribs.

I didn't take any pictures due to being in a MEGA-hurry. But I got the ribs, along with a large onion cut into large sections, and some random (really random) spices I had laying around in my cabinets, a bottle of Cattlemen's Barbecue Sauce, either Kansas City style or Memphis style (can't remember), and probably half a cup of water, into my pot and cooked it.

It was great. Country-style ribs are also a great stand-by in the crock pot, just like pot roast. Here is the recipe from the last time that I cooked them.

And now, pictures.

I am going to confess something to you. This year (so far), it seems like my personal photographic output has been made up of a lot of... duds.

Gaaahhh.

Soooo, I have learned, very quickly, to go back over the images I have shot and study them a little more carefully, with the objective of maybe finding something that is salvageable, or something that I actually connect with emotionally.

And yep, that was an awful sentence. It happens sometimes with me. Sigh. Back to salvageable, emotionally-connected duds.

 (For some reason, the photos in this post are showing up distorted and I do not know how to fix it. They are not appearing the way they normally do in my posts. And THIS is why I am desperately seeking a new blog design so that I can show my images full-size/full-resolution/allofthatstuff.)

project 52, week thirteen.

Hallelujah, I finally got this done.

Self-portrait.

Family.

Haven't posted a good sign photo in a while.

And an old shack.

Be sure to check out my iPhonearoid of the Week.

And don't forget to check out my Weekly Vlog.

Have a lovely Spring week, folks.

confessions. and hopes.

This post won't be long. I promise.

I am sitting here trying to motivate myself to make my vlog for the past week. I apologize to all of you; I have not felt like doing it. Spring Break has hit me with a desire to really BREAK. From just about everything, save cooking and homeschooling my kids.

I have continued to shoot, and need to upload a wagon-load of images tonight so that I can complete my Project 52 post. It will be a day late, but it will be done.

I have spent most of the month fighting to hold on to the peace of the Lord. It has been so tempting to writhe my hands in worry... about my mother, about other family drama that has presented itself the past couple of weeks, et cetera. Some days are better than others. But I am always conscious of my goal: to strive to enter the rest of the Lord. That is the only striving I am ever to do.

I am never without hope. And I have good reason to continue in that hope; my mother has lasted a month when I was told she most likely wouldn't last a week. She is eating more, and seems more aware. She held my hand so tightly yesterday evening when we went to visit her, and I didn't want to let go.

And new opportunities are coming my way. That's always welcome. Photographic opportunities, as well as musical opportunities. Mind you, I will not be taking on things at the expense of my family time, but I think some of these things will be great creative outlets, as well as a means to add a few more dollars to my little change purse. Again, always welcome.

I have been remiss in posting my crock pot meals. My deepest apologies. Three weeks ago I roasted a whole chicken. It was delicious, but wasn't cooked in the crock pot. Two weeks ago we went out to eat. Last week, I did cook in my crock pot. Barbecued pork ribs. I will write a little about it this coming Wednesday, as I am not sure I will be cooking that day.

And. I have gone on with my homeschooling and have shared precious little. Gah. I must remedy that this week.

I do have a lot to say and share; it's just that at times (more often than not here lately) I am so jumbled in my thoughts and emotions that I don't know where to start. And I am not going to front like everything is okay.

But everything is okay. At this moment. So I will take that and run with it and try to get this Project 52 post finished tonight.

While watching the basketball game.

Many blessings to you all, my tens of readers.

project 52, week twelve.

I'm a day late posting this, even though I had all of the elements ready on Sunday night. My computer started running slowly due to not having enough memory available, and once I finally freed up some room, I just decided to wait until today to post everything.

In my weekly vlog, I talk about what has been troubling me this month. I didn't get as in depth about my feelings as I had planned, because it is still too difficult to really talk about it.

There are some things that give me solace. Little things, like Papaya Mango Snapple, my french press, my walking playlist on my iPod, seeing all of the lovely things in my Pinterest feed, and Instagram notifications. 

And there are the constant things. 

Big things, like Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit, which I have been able to feel so heavily this month, much to my comfort. The Lord knows exactly what we need, always.

And my husband and children. They are my anchor, and I delight in pouring myself into them, even when it feels like it's not much.

Music.

And, remembering. With Niki's help.

Self-portrait.

M'ijo.

Of interest, because I love trees.

My iPhonearoid of the week is over here.

And my Weekly Vlog is over here.

Have a lovely week, everyone.

project 52, week eleven.

I'm a couple of days late getting last week's installment of Project 52 posted. I explained why in my Weekly Vlog. I haven't felt very energetic today... my little Ladybug has been running a temp since yesterday, and we've both been coughing incessantly. Fun.

Anywho, here are a few snapshots from last week.

Self-portrait. In the ER. At 1:00. A.M.

My beautiful boy.

And some, like, hospital stuff.

My iPhonearoid of the week? It's nice. Check it out.

And as I said above, my Weekly Vlog explains why I'm so late in getting this done.

Have a wonderful rest of the week, folks.

project 52, week ten.

A better week for me emotionally, but almost a bust when it came to shooting! I seemed to be so busy for much of the week that I didn't shoot much! Luckily, I did shoot SOMETHING.

Me.

My daughter.

My class. (One of them, anyway.)

And, some obscure beauty found in a miserably wet and cold day.

My iPhonearoid of the week is here.

And my Weekly Vlog is here.

Have a wonderful week, folks.

close your eyes, and make a hope.

Have you ever seen the Cedric the Entertainer segment of the Kings of Comedy film? At the beginning, where he talks about how black folks "don't hope, we wish?" Well, I was thinking about that randomly today, and noticed how I seem to do that often. I think it's a problem.

Why? Because faith is not the substance of things wished for. And we are not instructed to not lose wishes.
The Bible does not tell us that wishes will not lead to disappointment. It says that hope will not lead to disappointment. A certain kind of hope will not lead to disappointment.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.  -Romans 5:3-5


I often find myself still defaulting to wishing mode when troubles arise. I wish I could take care of this. I wish I could do more to help. I wish I could make this go away. I wish I had just a few more clients. I wish I had just a few more students. I wish I had more gigs. I wish I had more time. I wish my efforts at "whatever task" were more successful.

I have a lot of wishes.

I think there is an inherent sense of hopelessness in wishing. You don't really believe what you wish for will happen, because you have been disappointed so many times or had the wind taken out of your sails so many times you think that this is your lot in life.

Hope, however, looks forward to. There is an inherent sense of expectation in hoping. Things may not be great, in fact they could be downright negative, but there is still a feeling inside of you that expects and looks forward to circumstances improving. That is what gives birth to faith.

And THAT, hope, is what I want to default to more often than not and eventually always.

The events of the past couple of weeks have had me reflecting on this. I am certainly out of the habit of navel-gazing, but my reactions this week and last week have led me to question some behaviors. It is time for a conscious change, if I am to live out my one little word for this year and be free.

crock pot wednesday: forgetting photos. and the dried basil.

Yes, it's Friday and I am just getting around to sharing what I did for dinner on Wednesday. Again. Sometimes, it just happens that way. I totally meant to write my post Wednesday night, of course, but I fell asleep way early. I don't know why, but I have felt completely wiped out the past few days.

Anyway, I also didn't take any pictures Wednesday morning, due to being in an extreme hurry. My apologies.

I revisited the Chicken Cacciatore. I noticed it was one of my most popular posts and got inspired and thought, "Hey. That was pretty good. Maybe I'll just do that again, since I have almost everything I need for it." I literally needed five small items to complete the meal.

Okay. Now that I am thinking about it, I guess I needed more than what I had on hand. Forget what I said.

This time, I remembered almost everything. Doh.

I failed to remember the dried basil. Other than that, I did everything that I did the last time, except this time I did not omit the tomato paste and I used boneless, skinless chicken thighs, which is what I normally use.

It still came out pretty tasty. I think I will make this one more time before the school year is out, and I will be adding the dried basil, along with crushed rosemary, minced garlic, and dried parsley. And a larger can of tomato paste.

And now, to figure out what to cook next Wednesday. Why is it getting so hard?

project 52, week nine.

This week came and went, and I was happy to see it go. It was a difficult one for me.

I did not stop shooting, though.

Me.

Kidlets.

My town. 

It's a very, very, very fine town.

My iPhonearoid of the Week is another selfie, right here.

And my Weekly Vlog is right here.

Have a wonderful week, folks.

in like a lion. and needing the courage of a lioness.

It rained all day today. I took a few pictures with my iPhone in the evening, but the only time I took Niki out of her cozy home was when I went out for a very early dinner with my husband and kidlets. My oldest was in an all-day rehearsal for a play in which he is the lead, and we had a few hours to kill until he was finished. It was a lazy Saturday.

I did not cook a crock pot meal on Wednesday, because I was running way behind schedule that morning. We ended up getting take-out that night. I have no idea yet what I will be cooking this coming Wednesday, so I am up for suggestions.

This has been a difficult week. Some events have transpired that have left me feeling completely drained. I really do not feel like writing about it at the moment, but I have worked overtime this week to remember where my help and strength are found. Without keeping my thoughts fixed on the Lord, the feelings of helplessness are overwhelming.

I probably will eventually write about what I am feeling, when I think I can put it into words. I can't right now. But even though this is now a blog that I know people are reading, it is still a personal journal and I do want to write my thoughts down here. Once I can collect them.

Have you ever had those days (or weeks) where you wanted each day to pass by super-slowly, because you didn't want the next day to come?

It's been one of those weeks.